On returning home from two and a half weeks in Buenos Aires – a sort of celebration of the second anniversary of my new “career” in Argentine tango, I’ve received sweet, kind compliments (even if sometimes sounding, justifiably, somewhat backhanded) from lovely dance partners. You feel like you’re dancing more like your true self. You’re dancing so much better; you must have learned a lot in Buenos Aires.
That last one got me thinking. Well, yes, I did take some wonderful classes at Escula DNI Tango, and the Tango Milonguero workshop with Susana Miller in Houston shortly before leaving was valuable preparation. But what did I really learn in Buenos Aires that seemed to create a dramatic difference, enough so that people would want to comment on it.
I feel that it was at the Buenos Aires milongas where I learned to start trusting myself and enjoying myself more. There, I was an unknown quantity, taken as is for a fresh evaluation. Now, as an experienced dancer with lots of lessons and miles under my feet, I was no longer the awkward, hesitant, unsure beginner who tormented followers in Austin who had light-years more experience and skills. I’ll be forever grateful to the followers who can relax into making every tanda a pleasant one, even with a bumbling beginner. That kept me going.
The people at Buenos Aires milongas were looking for and expecting to enjoy a deliciously warm embrace while moving to the music in a delightful way. And for my part, I sought to act as if I was just the person to give them the best of what they were hoping for. Happily, oh so happily, we all achieved our desires not only rarely, or even just a few times, but many times, most of the time. I met women from around the world, and porteñas, where it felt like I’d been dancing with them my entire life.
I have a dear friend – who, alas, slouches — bad posture. One time I suggested that they act as if they were a military officer, carrying themselves with a proud, erect bearing. They said, no, they couldn’t do that because it would seem fake; they wanted to present their true selves. Well what are we doing if not acting throughout our lives? The difference is that some choose better roles, juicier parts with more chance to shine.
As the NLP presuppositions tell us, you cannot not communicate. So do we choose a role that says I’m large and in charge, or do we default to a bit part that says I’m small, and I don’t care what you think about how I look.
Now sure, we may not have all the technical tools, understandings, and experience to truly and fully occupy our chosen role. But if we are working diligently on acquiring those things, and we observe outstanding models of what we want to be, then we use our sense of empathy to feel inside the way those examples make us feel. Today’s Internet world gives us so many good opportunities to explore, find, and observe role models.
How do we go about modeling a master tanguero? Setting aside technical issues of pattern, movement, placement, and timing — things we look to our teachers and classes for, then what do we have? Well clearly they are in charge, masters of the situation, with no hesitancy or doubt about what they want to achieve. Every step has clear intention behind it. Every moment has connection paramount in importance. They know who they are and they know their partner knows.
But wait! What about that last part, with those partners who knew you in the dismal days? You write a new Act is what you do. While you honor and respect the person, the dancer you were, with good and bad parts, who got you where you are now, you also recognize that this is your Second Act, where you are creating experiences of yourself with your partners, not of who you were, or even of who you are now sometimes, but rather acting as if you are already the great dancer you are becoming.